What The Godfather can teach you about reciprocity
WATCH THIS FIRST
For those of you who have never seen the movie, this is the first six minutes of it. While there is an
additional two hours and forty nine minutes, (Yes it’s 3 hours long!), there are a few incredibly valuable
lessons you can take from Don Coreleone to use in life as well as in your business.
1. The Don understands the value of reciprocity
While I do believe in doing something nice for someone without expecting anything in return, there
is something in all of us that creates an overwhelming desire to return a favor. That’s what makes
us human. The need to reciprocate is, believe it or not, a basic human need. Did you ever have a co-
worker get you a Christmas present while you gave nothing back? Did you get that feeling of “I’m
such an ass… I have to get so-and-so something…” That’s the need to reciprocate.
2. Power Positioning
OK, so he’s the head of a major crime family, Don Corleone probably had this one going for him
before Amerigo Bonasera, a local undertaker, comes to him to ask for a favor. But being in a position
of power is something you always need to maintain. In the deal business there’s a saying: “You’re
only as good as your last deal.” Your power is the value you provide, combined with your ability to
influence others around you. Having people like and respect you is power.
At the end of the scene, Marlon Brando’s character says to Bonasera, “If the day should ever come
that I need to ask you for a favor…” As part of human nature we all have a strong desire to “return
the favor” it’s ingrained in us; it’s part of what makes us human and different from animals. To Don
Coreleone, it was almost as if he was making a deposit in the bank when he made that statement
and knowing that sooner or later a withdrawal will be made.
3. Listen before acting
Besides being an incredible cinematic genius, there something to be said for the way Marlon
Brando’s character allows Bonesara to go on for what seems to be much longer than the two
minutes and thirty-four seconds it actually is to open the scene. Not once does he interrupt. And
when he finally does speak it’s to ask one simple question. You want the real secret to becoming
successful in business? Find out what your prospects biggest need, want or desire is and offer them
the solution. I know a lot of folks are going to think that’s way too simple of an answer, but trust me.
If you focus in on what the real need is and really get inside the mind of your customer, then you’ll
become infinitely more successful no matter what business you’re in. Stop focusing on the next
shiny thing and start focusing on getting in the mind of your customer.
4. Always command respect
There’s a big difference from helping others and being a shmuck. A friend of mine once told me
about something he told his 12 year-old son. The lesson was simple: “It’s OK to share your lunch
with another kid who forgot his, but never let someone take your lunch money from you.” Some
may not get the meaning in this, but I think it’s pretty profound. We need to do great things for
others; it’s inspiring and it makes the world a better place. But when we become a doormat, our
good deeds aren’t appreciated and in some ways are wasted.
5. Give before you receive
To expand on that even further, understand the value of an un-solicited favor. In the movie,
Bonesera comes to Godfather to request the favor, but in most cases the power of reciprocity is
often strong when your favor or good deed is given without request and positioned properly.
My favorite part in the entire movie is when the Godfather completely repositions the request.
“If you’d come to me in friendship, then this scum that wounded your daughter would be
suffering this very day. And if by chance an honest man like yourself should make enemies, then
they would become my enemies. And then they would fear you.”
By explaining the value of his friendship and walking through what would have already happened,
he is demonstrating the value of his friendship. He then in essence, offers it before agreeing to help
which then positions friendship as an unsolicited gift. Watch the clip again. I guarantee you’ll see it
in a different light.
Reciprocity is an incredibly powerful tool. It’s one I’ve used in business many times before. (For good,
not evil, of course.) But I’m definitely not an expert on it. If you want to learn more there’s a great book
that was written on the subject by Dr. Robert Cialdini called Influence: The psychology of persuasion. It
explains why some people are extremely persuasive and the basic principles behind our need to comply
with the law of reciprocity. Dr. Cialdini spent years researching and studying the subject. I actually got
an email this weekend from a blog reader who asked me for some book recommendations. This is
definitely at the top of the list.
So, if you haven’t seen the movie or read the book here’s your homework: Run to Amazon and grab a copy.
Then grab a copy of the good Doctors book, for $11 bucks or so and you’ll learn a lot more then you get
from some of the home study systems out there that charge thousands of dollars. Don’t forget to let
me know how you like it!
P.S. Yes for the record, those are affiliate links. If you got some value out of this post, you’ll definitely
enjoy the book. Call my own little experiment in reciprocity.
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